Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
