I just pynch a tree in the face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
