remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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