you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
