Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
