I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
