woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Houston, we have a blender
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
