Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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