she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
