I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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