My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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