They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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