On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
