My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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