Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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