You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
