could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
