69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
