just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
