Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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