She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
