Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
