One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
