so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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