just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
