How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
