I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
