It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
