my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
