you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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