you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
