they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
