hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
