Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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