her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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