i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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