Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
