I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
