There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
