She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
