grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
