Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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