i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
