i jhust puked up my retainher.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
