My hand turned me down
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
