I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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