i just wanna soil my oats bro
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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