When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
