My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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