Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
