worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
