She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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