My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
