R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
