I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have fence marks all over my body
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
