Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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