she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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