Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
