I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
