It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
