I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
