$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
