Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
