i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
