thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
