Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
