She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Success! We fucked roommates!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
