So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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