the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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