I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
